Which comes first, the stage or the learning? Vogotsky and Piaget differed somewhat on this question, but for us parents, the important thing is this: provide a variety of experiences for your child, allow her to make her own decisions, participate with her in discovering the world, and above all, communicate with, not at, your child.
Why am I talking about "learning" on a blog about parenting? Because everything you do in your child's presence is teaching your child something. Every action requires a decision, whether you realize it or not. So think about what you are teaching your child in the moments when you're not really thinking about what you're doing. An aware parent is a better parent. That's how you --and your child-- grow best.
Saturday
A sense of control
Recently I was having a discussion with a friend about choices. Why, she wondered, when I know I can try something different, do I feel better about what I'm doing? It's the sense that you have some control over your situation, I told her. When we have options, it's easier to cope with whatever we must do. It works the same way for kids. When you give a child choices that lead to the behavior you want, it's easier to guide the child to a good decision without argument. That's why, when getting ready for bed, for example, you can keep a toddler in relatively cooperative spirits by planning ahead a bit.
"Would you like to put on your jammies first, or brush your teeth and then jammies?" is one example. You can ask if they'd like a story while they're getting ready. This not only gives the child that choice, but offers a distraction. I'm a big fan of distracting children from overthinking onerous tasks like washing up. It doesn't have to be a formal story, you can just start with "Once there was an explorer fairy prince(ss) who had just eaten a delicious dinner and the Queen said it was time to wash hands, and what do you think happened?" All the while guiding the child through the process as you describe it.
As children grow older they can learn skills like this for themselves. Grade schoolers can be given a choice of which homework subject or chore to start first, when to take breaks and whether the break is five minutes or ten, and so on. Problem solve with older children to come up with ideas to help them develop coping skills and prevent frustration.
Just like having something to read while you're waiting at the doctor's office, or choosing when to take a short break at work; distraction, and choices that lead to good behavior are part of the self regulation skills that help us-- and our kids.
"Would you like to put on your jammies first, or brush your teeth and then jammies?" is one example. You can ask if they'd like a story while they're getting ready. This not only gives the child that choice, but offers a distraction. I'm a big fan of distracting children from overthinking onerous tasks like washing up. It doesn't have to be a formal story, you can just start with "Once there was an explorer fairy prince(ss) who had just eaten a delicious dinner and the Queen said it was time to wash hands, and what do you think happened?" All the while guiding the child through the process as you describe it.
As children grow older they can learn skills like this for themselves. Grade schoolers can be given a choice of which homework subject or chore to start first, when to take breaks and whether the break is five minutes or ten, and so on. Problem solve with older children to come up with ideas to help them develop coping skills and prevent frustration.
Just like having something to read while you're waiting at the doctor's office, or choosing when to take a short break at work; distraction, and choices that lead to good behavior are part of the self regulation skills that help us-- and our kids.
The climbing game
Lately I've been reading Vogotsky's theories of developmentally based learning. I like the conception of the child's competency that spans "things I can do" to "things I need help or prompts to do" to "things you'll have to teach me and help me do." He follows Piaget a lot more than I expected; I think the biggest difference between the two might be that Piaget sees children as progressing in a certain order in relation to certain sets of skills/knowledge. While Vogotsky seems to think that it's a little more complicated than that.
Vogotstky is at once a little more hands-on and hands-off regarding learning: adults help kids learn new tricks, but then their roll is to stand back and let kids explore the new behavior within their abilities.
The Vogotskian concept of scaffolding then, means the physical and intangible supports kids get in the process: whether it's crayons and clay, or rules to a game or story time, everything works toward the same goal, bringing children a step forward, or up. As parents we need scaffolding too, whether it's from other, more experienced parents, a good book, a program or a therapist, it's easier to learn when we have supports around us in the process. And we learn best when we use the optimal supports for the optimal period.
In the same way that you can teach a child to climb up and down the monkey bars, you teach people new skills. Maybe you have to guide their feet the first few times, till they learn the movements, then you spot them while they practice it without your guiding touch. Eventually, they master the skills, and you'll have to hunt to find them on the playground, much less keep up with them. The teacher's job is to make himself irrelevant. When you're working with adults, though, you can't always let them know you're behind them, protecting them from a fall.
As with children, so adults: we aren't superior to those we teach, we are just providing the means to their becoming better themselves.
Vogotstky is at once a little more hands-on and hands-off regarding learning: adults help kids learn new tricks, but then their roll is to stand back and let kids explore the new behavior within their abilities.
The Vogotskian concept of scaffolding then, means the physical and intangible supports kids get in the process: whether it's crayons and clay, or rules to a game or story time, everything works toward the same goal, bringing children a step forward, or up. As parents we need scaffolding too, whether it's from other, more experienced parents, a good book, a program or a therapist, it's easier to learn when we have supports around us in the process. And we learn best when we use the optimal supports for the optimal period.
In the same way that you can teach a child to climb up and down the monkey bars, you teach people new skills. Maybe you have to guide their feet the first few times, till they learn the movements, then you spot them while they practice it without your guiding touch. Eventually, they master the skills, and you'll have to hunt to find them on the playground, much less keep up with them. The teacher's job is to make himself irrelevant. When you're working with adults, though, you can't always let them know you're behind them, protecting them from a fall.
As with children, so adults: we aren't superior to those we teach, we are just providing the means to their becoming better themselves.
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Engaged parents, happy babies
