Start listening and responding the minute your
child makes their first little noise. Let them know you're listening. Let them talk as
much as they want to.
Once they start going into longwinded explanations of how tricycles make it rain, or how to get to the highest level of their favorite video game, you don't necessarily have to listen to every word, but let them talk, nod, ask a few open ended questions (that means they can't just be answered with a yes or no). Ask them about their day and sit and listen to their replies.
Make eye contact, acknowledge their experience.
If they ask you why a balloon is round, google it with them if you don't know the answer-- feed their curiosity, their trust, and their honesty by being open and helpful. If they tell you about something they did wrong, don't punish them, stay calm and kind, and help them problem solve a way to fix it or make amends. If they tell you about their body parts and going to the bathroom and what their poop looked like, listen to that too. If they ask you a question about a body part and you don't know the answer, show them how you look it up properly, on a trusted source, like Medline Plus, part of the National Institutes of Health Web site.
If you remain their trusted Listener, one day when they're teens you will hear something important that you need to know. They will tell you everything that's going on in their lives, and their friends' lives, and you will be able to help when other parents have no idea what their kids are getting into. You may help them realize they don't want to do drugs. You may help them learn how to say no to a pushy boy. You may save their lives. You may find that "teen rebellion" doesn't really exist unless parents make it happen.
Once they start going into longwinded explanations of how tricycles make it rain, or how to get to the highest level of their favorite video game, you don't necessarily have to listen to every word, but let them talk, nod, ask a few open ended questions (that means they can't just be answered with a yes or no). Ask them about their day and sit and listen to their replies.
Make eye contact, acknowledge their experience.
If they ask you why a balloon is round, google it with them if you don't know the answer-- feed their curiosity, their trust, and their honesty by being open and helpful. If they tell you about something they did wrong, don't punish them, stay calm and kind, and help them problem solve a way to fix it or make amends. If they tell you about their body parts and going to the bathroom and what their poop looked like, listen to that too. If they ask you a question about a body part and you don't know the answer, show them how you look it up properly, on a trusted source, like Medline Plus, part of the National Institutes of Health Web site.
If you remain their trusted Listener, one day when they're teens you will hear something important that you need to know. They will tell you everything that's going on in their lives, and their friends' lives, and you will be able to help when other parents have no idea what their kids are getting into. You may help them realize they don't want to do drugs. You may help them learn how to say no to a pushy boy. You may save their lives. You may find that "teen rebellion" doesn't really exist unless parents make it happen.
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